FOR THE SPAGHETTI MASOCHIST IN YOUR LIFE
It's got the works: inefficient circuitry, mangled belts, and beautiful asymmetry. It uses nuclear power when it probably shouldn't. It routes multiple items on the same lane of the same belt, haphazardly controlled by flawed combinator logic. Most importantly, she's Bessie. Treat her well, and you might make it to Vulcanus. Not so sure about the return trip home, though.